She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
