What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found puke in my bra..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
