i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
