I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
