I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
