oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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