There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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