I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
