i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
