If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
