girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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