How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
