Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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