hotel room ftw
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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