i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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