when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
