If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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