Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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