Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
