Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
