So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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