I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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