just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
