So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
