Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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