I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
