god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
