im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
