im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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