Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
