My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
