Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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