I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
