Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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