I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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