My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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