so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
