Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
