believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
