I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
