Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
not ubering you a puppy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
