i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
