we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
