i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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