I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
