chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
