i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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