Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
