i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
vagina is talking i cant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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