Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
