Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
