Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
