I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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